Who’s that boy with the sandwich in his hand
You won’t miss me
Even though you can
He could make a dead dog laugh
And watch him kick my mother on her ass
He’s no boy, and yet he ain’t no man
He don’t know what he’s gonna do
In four years I’m gonna be 22
All his friends think he’s great
I'm your favorite teengenerate
You might say he’s just too crazy for you
I’m most outrageous, hope it’s not contagious
All the world’s got a one way ticket to heck, to hell
You can’t think that he’s no mickey mouse
Give me an hour and I’ll destroy you your house…
He looks just like you
Turn him inside out.

Intro.

I write words down. I’ve gotten criticism (but only when I criticize) of being some sort of rock journalist type. I’m just a writer. That might be worse, but I don’t give shit one. Punk rock music is just such a big part of my life – I try to talk about it with flair, style, and conviction. To let you all know who I am. I have conflicts with people and shit cause they don’t like me and think that I’d be a little easier. I’m not fucking easy. Not only that, stuffing rock and roll records into boxes is now the way that I support myself. It’s a fucking war for me. And you, whoever you are on one side of the battle line or the other, I’m sorry. I’m not one of these start a band and label phonies bent on getting a blowjob and this, that and the other. I have a lady. She tolerates my quest like my parents do- for me to be the biggest motherfucker, shredder you’ve ever met. They want me to be that, ‘cause that’s what makes me, me. And who am I? I’m Kenny on Broadway, of course.

Rock and Roll on the Turntable of Despair.

I guess I’m just going to have to rephrase myself. The last few columns, I’ve been trying to work with you people. Sorry, but I can’t work with you any longer. Most of you A.D.D. ass-licks are about to tune out now but don’t. I’m tired of pretending that you people will be inspired, and hope to turn you on, when I know so many other people are inspired- but let’s keep trying. You people are shit. "You people don’t know how it feels to dedicate your whole life to this mic of steel…that’s not keeping it real, a lot of tight rappers out there that got no deal."

One of my worst qualities is that I’m put over by smart people- I give punk rockers too much credit, and you blobs are morons. I started writing this column to help you little faggot, morons wake up, got letters back from smart kids, and insisted on believing that I wasn’t preaching to the converted- I was, and I’m done with that. I know what I have to do to you people. Thank you to the kid from Michigan with the email named after a Delinquents record. This is the second time that you’ve showed me that punk rock can be art but rarely is. Thank you very much.

"Nightcream, the Nazi Gothic Shit on My Face Thriller"

No tube travel bus runs down the blvd.
Street rats sift through the garbage after dark
Daywish cities toss the trash out of the car
It blows against the building that will never touch the stars
Destruction- destruction devoid
Now it’s over
After hours streetlamps are the only light
Your daily movement, shifts from left to right
Streetscum mixing with the models, strike a pose
The manholes spit steam you cross the block it blows up your nose
Nightcream goes into open mouths and explodes
Gag on it in color, and in black and white, now it’s over
Nightcream lubes the night
Jean cream locked in a flaccid fight
Cars crash, they echo around the concrete hive
Death Sinners, they will die,
And the nazi goth shit on my face thriller left me alive
Cars crash, see a crying policeman that’s right
Ripping tickets at the death club an a Friday night
At night
Blood is soaking up the well on the driver’s seat floor
At night

So you know what, this "Turntable of Despair" will be something I invent for all the complete Midwest monkeys, internet perverts, and all you motherfuckers who remember what it was like. What, what was like Kenny on Broadway? Our lives you motherfuckers! The 1980’s you motherfuckers! A world without the term "garage," making everything OK. Skateboards with big wheels and Black Flag stickers. Fuck keyboards, fuck jungle rock, fuck garage, fuck squares, fuck fashion, fuck country roads, fuck busses, fuck cabs, fuck city streets, fuck anything but pornography, fuck massage parlors, fuck heroin, fuck meth- long live beer, and long live doing things because you want to and not because it’s something that you kind of wanted to do and can now get away with it. Fuck rock stars, and fuck people posing as rock stars while saying fuck rock stars. Live your own fucking life. And fuck the back to 70’s Kiss, classic rock punk scene and all this shit- I don’t own a Camaro, and don’t know anyone that does. My friend Brian owns a Mustang, but it really sucks! Stop treating the punk rock scene like it’s full of people who like the Hellacopters- no one I know does. TURBONEGRO, AEROBITCH, TOILET BOYS, HELLACOPTERS- I did that in bold letters to tell you all that you’d have cool tastes if you were my dad who is over 50 now. Fuck you’re little I’m white and I like motors, shitheads- there’re plenty of bands that you can get into for real without the shtick. But I’ll tell you a new thing, all you little defect bands from across the country- why would you even want to be part of that shit? Kick ass on your own terms, and stop worrying about who’s moving to your town, or what’s going on at the gallery tonight.

Remember That One Time Your Friend That You Love Was Over and Got Freaked Out and Turned Over The Coffee Table- That’s Me- I’m Torn Up. Do You Fucks Care? This Is The Turntable of Despair.

Quite a few records are going to make it into this. This new "Turntable of Despair" section will kind of go along with the "Turntable of Despair: Death Club From the Dangerzone" radio show I’m doing, which should be linked up from this site momentarily. I know that Joe D. and Shawn A. have shows pretty much done. Joe’s just working out some of the technical bugs, and we’ll be in business. Anyway, here’s some shit for you apes. Some of it is, of course, a bit old, but what the fuck? Timeless is what we’re going for here- I’ve never been partial to the flavors of the month. You’ll note that there are a couple flavors of the month in here, but they passed my rigorous 21-point inspection.

High Decibel Killers -
Let’s focus on a couple of Japanese hardcore reissues that are out there right now, starting with the band that does it best- Gauze. The "Equalizing Distort" 12" is a collection of stuff from the "Equalizing Distort" LP, "Thrash Till Death" LP, and "Farewell to Arms" LP. This stuff is just so killer and over the top. It’s well worked out, but not in that metallic lame way, and you will find no break downs here, whatsoever- just DIY thrash at its finest that sounds like it might go off the rails at any moment. I love Gauze. And then there’s Lip Cream. This "Kill the IBM" record is more hardcore than their earlier stuff, which was more punk rock. A great example of this is on the "Punx" compilation, along with GISM, and some other great Japanese stuff. Though Lip Cream isn’t as spastic as Gauze, it’s still great, maintaining the earlier punk rock sound, but with extra fire, energy, and attitude. Anyone who knows me knows that I just love Japanese rock and roll of all sorts, and in the case of these bands, it’s just two more examples of the ‘little bit extra’ that Japanese bands always seem to bring to the table.

Blowtops "Blood and Tar" 10"
I’ve been looking for this record, and I finally got one. This is one of the better live bands I’ve seen in recent years. And though this can’t really do their live show justice, it does a decent job of invoking images of tortured, evil spirits playing amps full blast, howling, screaming, suicidal, stomping, fuzzy, distorted, reverb tunnel sacrificial rock and roll for the living dead; held together by smashing drumming and attitudes on the edge of a straight razor. Sorry guys, I know I still owe you $20, but we spent it on beer, many, many full moons ago. Howwwwwwwllllll!

Dissidents "Conformity is Deformity" LP
20 songs of filthy, filthy filth. Remember the kids the Pagans puked on? They started bands too, assholes. This goes into a little more Pere Ubu style Cleveland rock and roll, sometimes becoming a primal thud. Cleveland, Madrid, Leningrad- we all die young, or at least die sometime!

Fleshies "S/T" CD
Recorded live at the Poker Room in Oakland, California, with minimal backing vocal overdubs. This CD captures this East Bay talk of the town down to the barest bones, banging a femur on the punk fucking rock. Screaming vocals, varying tempos, and a sense of how to write a fucking punk rock song send this to the top of the modern day punk rock shit heap- with a bullet with your name on it! Did I mention tough as nails? 13 totally ass kicking songs by a band that isn't actually going away.

Gerty Farish/Pissed Officers… "Save the Ants" 10"
This is an old record I just got a new copy of, featuring a couple of Wyatt Circle Cambridge scene bands from long ago. The cover folds into a rocket shit. Gerty Farish play really neat Casio and guitar music, with lyrics of a hyper- intelligent minimalism. Now the pissed officers play sugar fix thrash with neat sound effects, and when they played live, they would have an easel with a giant pad of paper with their song titles written, and flip it as they went with one song going into the next. 15 songs would be played in 10 minutes. Just awesome. I wonder if either of them are still around?

Lost Sounds "Memphis is Dead" LP
After much urging, I finally picked this thing up. To be honest with you, I wasn’t sure how much I’d really like it. Much of the time, when people tell me to get something because they think it’s something that I’d like, much of the time they’re off the mark. Not this time though, as I just love this fucking record. Without being too garage or pop, they manage to incorporate these elements into a really moody and brooding record. This thing is evil, hopeful, tortured, and celebratory- it takes you on a ride that most modern bands just cannot do these days. I love dynamics; I love haunting organs, pained vocals, and fuzzed out leads. Fuck, Mudhoney is my favorite band, and whether or not they nod to "Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge" Mud or not, there’s even elements of that in here. Sure, I think this record could be a little bit harder at times, but whatever. This band lives up to the hype that they have been given.

Rancid Hell Spawn "Scalpel Party" CD
This is a "Best Of" thing of this band, who have been one of my faves for a long time. I can only compare this to the Butthole Surfers with a drum machine, sent through a thick layer of fuzzy washout, and a more twisted, macabre sense of insanity. When you listen to this, you can’t shut it off, but you can’t wait for it to be over. It makes you feel like you have scabies- your skin just crawls, and finally, when you’re about to have a complete anxiety attack (43 songs later), it ends, and you vow never to listen to it ever again. But you will. "Rebel with a Bus Pass," "Sexy Girl with a Sexy Gun," and "Stomach Pump Rock" are fucking classics.

Subtonix "S/T" 7"
Two songs from my favorite SF band. Great, skewed, Screamers influenced keyboard and saxophone drive punk rock by four girls with no guitar. Check out the dangerously awful recording I made of them on the Rock Action web site.

Testors "Volume 2" 10"
All you really need are the two Testors records, and you’d really be ok. What wild and blazing shit! As I’ve said before, this stuff was really ahead of its’ time. I don’t know if anyone has ever matched the degree of unbridled ness and frenzy inside a rock and roll structure. Whoever dug up these six songs, I’d like to personally thank you, as I’ve worn out my copy of volume one.

V/A "Barefoot and Pregnant"
What we have here is a historic collection of 1981-82 punk rock centered around the Minneapolis scene. Originally produced by Bob Mould, Terry Katzman, and The Linehans, this was the 200-copy cassette that launched Reflex Records. Bands included are: LOUD FAST RULES, IDOL THREAT, RIFLE SPORT, IN DECISION, TULSA JACKS, LOU SANTACROCE, MAN SIZED ACTION, MECHT MENSCH, RED MEAT, an interview with SHEIK, and unreleased tracks from HUSKER DU, REPLACEMENTS, and SOUL ASYLUM.

V/A "Pie and Ears Volume 1: Cleveland Then and Now"
Clevo drainage to the max. When the Easter Monkeys make an appearance, you buy, and you die. Nail the Midwest boys to the cross- they want it, and deserve nothing less. Other bands included: Pink Holes, California Speedbag, Numbskulls, Dissidents, and more. Can you rock out to this? Only if you’re confident.

V/A "Killed By Hardcore"
This is a great addition to the KBD cesspool, and entirely better than any of the new KBD volumes. The Classic Left song "Fuck It" is worth the price alone. Also, some great Terveet Kadet, Genetic Control, the State, and tons more.

V/A "Torreros After Ole: Five Old Spanish Punk Rock 12 Inches"
What it says- 5 12" by Espasmaticos, Toreros After Ole, La Broma de Satan, Larsen, and Ultimo Resort. Fucking killer second generation Spanish hardcore punk rock. This is another ‘must have comp’ that’s far superior to any of the new Killed By Death garbage that’s been coming out of late.

So that’s it for Death Club #9. Check back to Blank Generation soon for the radio shows. At my site: (www.angelfire.com/bc/rockactionrecords666). I’m going to have some more stuff from the zines up pretty soon, and the live shows are working now. My Piranhas feature is also in its final stages, and will be done really soon. It’s official- the Piranhas are back together, have played a show, and are recording for a 7" and a new 12". Unfortunately, the old 12" is out of print.

"The world is a shithole filled with scummy little shitbags who are scared shitless. Don’t you think he’s a little anal? I think he’s right."

Don’t Forget the Joker,
Kenny On Broadway
detoxpolice@hotmail.com